The Cabin in the Woods

The Cabin in the Woods is a horror/black comedy/satire film from 2012, starring a bunch of people playing college students, the likable guy who played Josh in The West Wing, and Sigourney Weaver in an exposition cameo.




Synopsis: Five college students go to an isolated cabin in the woods for a weekend of relaxation. The first evening, the cellar door flies open, and they descend into a room of mysterious objects. One of them reads a Latin incantation from a century-old diary, unleashing a family of sadistic killer hillbilly zombies. The zombies begin picking off the young people one by one, just like every formulaic horror movie you have ever seen.

Or is there more going on?

Down below the cabin, a group of technicians works to make this scenario follow the formula horror movie fans know so well. Using explosives, chemicals, temperature changes and other fancy stuff, the techs steer the action, ensuring the “promiscuous girl” is killed first, followed by the others, leaving the “pure virginal girl” to be killed last.

Why are they doing this? As a bloodletting ritual to appease the giant ancient angry gods who live below, so the human race can continue. These rituals take place simultaneously in different nations around the world. (The footage of the Japanese ritual is actually very funny.) However, this year, all of the other rituals have failed. The Americans must pull theirs off, or the world is doomed.

The other four young people die, leaving the virgin as the last victim, and the technicians celebrate with booze and REO Speedwagon, while she is tortured by the hillbilly zombie on the large screen behind the party. Ah, but not so fast! The stereotypical stoner kid has survived somehow! He and the virgin find the elevator down to the technicians’ offices, passing room after room of horror movie horrors along the way—including a character similar to Pinhead from Hellraiser and some sort of multi-mouthed toothy ballerina child.

When they reach the office level of this maze, the two hole up in a room. The virgin launches the “System Purge” option, and all of the monsters are set loose. Every time the elevator dings, more nightmare monsters are unleashed, killing all of the technicians. Aliens, more zombies, flying reptile things, a really angry unicorn, and a merman. Yes, a merman. And much, much more!

The two young people survive all of this somehow, and find the area where blood is collected for the ritual to appease the old giant gods. Sigourney Weaver shows up and explains the entire dealio. The virgin must die last, or the entire human race ends at the extra large hands of The Ancient Ones.

The stoner kid refuses to sacrifice himself. For a moment, it looks like the virgin might shoot him, but a zombie and a werewolf intervene. In the end, Sigourney Weaver is killed, and the virgin and stoner smoke a joint until The Ancient Ones rumble to the surface.



Review: I really want to like this movie. There are some wonderful moments, especially with Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins as the two main technicians in charge of making the ritual run smoothly. Yet, I don’t like this movie very much.

I can appreciate the satire, but it’s just a little too clever. A little too snarky. Was I surprised by it? Yes. I knew nothing about the movie before seeing it, and it surprised me. It made me laugh a few times. It looks good. But it rings hollow. Are the horror movie fans really The Ancient Ones, hungry for formulaic slasher plots to keep them appeased? Maybe. Does that mighty bit of symbolism make this a good movie? Not really.

Worth seeing, maybe even twice, just because it’s not formulaic.



Little known random fact: Watch for The Flying Purple People Eater.



WUB rating: Three out of five WUBs.



They may be WUBs, but they’re my WUBs.



See you in my Netflix queue!